[hoc canon] stars fading but I linger on, dear [for Rachel; Elliot]

[ofthelions]

It isn't that it hasn't been difficult. It has been.

It's been incredibly painful, much of the time. It's been entirely difficult to know that they're standing on the other side of a veil, that there will never be exactly the sort of warmth and comfort anymore that a living father or friend could have provided. It's been an ache to be so close and still watch so many people who deserved so much suffer.

Helping Argine pass had been some of the worst of it. The genuine toll it had taken on Eileen and Rachel--the deep heartbreak, no matter that it was the first in a long chain of deaths which they'd actually been able to see coming--had wrenched through Edgar with the same intensity as his own death.

It isn't that, somehow, the loss has been 'worth it.' It's just that, finally, things are starting to come back into a better sort of balance.

There's nothing in the world quite like knowing Andrew and Argine are together the way they ought to be. There's nothing in the world quite like watching the way Elisha keeps his arm around Eileen's shoulders or the painfully paternal wonder in the king's eyes when he watches the girl who is now officially his daughter. There's nothing in the world quite like hearing his little girl laugh again with genuine glee actually lighting up the sound.

There's nothing like seeing Elliot being a father to his children. There's nothing like seeing Rachel actually rest her head on someone else's shoulder again.

He knows he isn't allowed all that much time. He knows that he's giving up the chance to kiss Eileen's forehead on her birthday or murmur soft advice in Elisha's ear when she steps down from being Ace. But he knows, just as much, that it's important tonight to take what time he has to sit carefully down on the edge of this particular bed and smooth back the hair of this particular sleeper as he settles into the realm of dreams properly.

Comments

[thecutdiamond]

She can hear it. And even if she couldn't she'd see it in the smile that touches his lips.

There's a smile of her own on her face as she replies.

"Thanks, Ed."

It's not at all how she thought it would be-- they both know that-- but it's absolutely something that's bringing her so much joy.

[ofthelions]

"Do--"

And he needs a moment. He needs to let out a soft laugh, to get the excited tremble out of his entire ethereal being.

"Do you know how-- wonderful this is?"

She must. She does, in her own way, he's certain. She's just always someone he's felt compelled to double check with about celebrating her own victories.

[thecutdiamond]

"I-- I do."

And there's the faintest bit of laugh that comes as an echo of his. She can't help it, when his obvious joy is so clear and her own happiness has her over the moon.

This is such a step for her-- for both of them, really. The fact that Elliot's staying is a step. The fact that she's keeping a child-- is working through the terror that the possibility of being a mother has always given her-- is a step.

The fact that they're both letting themselves live out this love is so, so crucial.

[ofthelions]

She's happy. She's happy in such a less complicated way than he's seen in years. It absolutely sets his heart to bursting.

"And d'you know what a-- wonderful mother you're going to be?" He ducks his head, briefly, to press his forehead lightly to hers. "And what a good father this one's going to have?"

[thecutdiamond]

"We're going to try our best," she answers, smile flickering into something incredibly bright to feel his forehead against hers. Reaching out for his hand is instinctive after all this time.

"'m hoping it'll be enough."

Hoping she'll be just as wonderful as he says. That Elliot will continue to be as good a father-- if not better-- as he's started to be.

[ofthelions]

"Trust me on this one, mm?"

It isn't the same as really holding her hand, but hopefully it's enough. His fingers curl around hers as tight as they can, clinging with genuine affection.

"This is it, Rach."

This is the happy ending. This is what they'd been dreaming of back before things had fallen apart.

Not quite the way they'd imagined it, no, but exactly what he'd wanted for her in terms of happiness.

[thecutdiamond]

"I trust you, Ed."

And she trusts Elliot. And, slowly, she's learning to trust her own heart.

"And 'm-- not gonna give this up."

Not when she's finally this happy again.

[ofthelions]

Trust takes time. He's had a good deal more of a lead on Elliot--and on Rachel's own heart.

He shifts slightly to press a firmer sort of kiss to her cheek. It's lovely to feel her smiling as well as see it.

"You're not. You're both in it for the long haul, mm?"

[thecutdiamond]

"We are," she says softly, leaning into his touch contentedly.

"It's going to be wonderful."

[ofthelions]

"You know it is."

And it really sounds like she does. It really feels like it's properly coursing through her now.

"If it's a boy, will you name him after Drew?"

[thecutdiamond]

That startles an entirely happy laugh out of her, her grin bright and beaming as she looks up at him.

"Y'mean you don't know?"

Because how nice, to be able to surprise him even when he's gone.

[ofthelions]

There's an amused chuckle for that. This is exactly the kind of visit he'd been hoping to have with Rachel for years now.

A properly happy one with properly happy laughter.

"What, are you and Drew keeping secrets from me, now?"

[thecutdiamond]

She shakes her head just a little at him, smiling slightly as her hand lifts to take his again.

"If it's a boy--" And there's a brief moment of breathless laughter, eyes shining with joy as she looks at him, "If it's a boy, we're going to be calling him Edgar Andrew."

Because they'd both loved both men so much, it was only right.

[ofthelions]

The surprise is obvious. The rush of joy is obvious as well.

"O-oh-- Oh, Rachel, that's..."

That's more than an honour. That's such a firm declaration of feeling at peace with so much that had been a genuine hurt for so long.

[thecutdiamond]

"I thought you'd be happy," she says, smiling growing all the more bright for the clear surprise and joy in his expression.

"It-- only seemed right, really."

Neither she nor Elliot wanted to name a potential son after either of their fathers, and Edgar and Andrew had meant so much more to them.

[ofthelions]

There's a low chuckle for that as he shakes his head against hers.

"As long as it makes you happy."

Because of course he himself is overwhelmed at the idea of an Edgar Andrew Reynolds in the world.

[thecutdiamond]

"It does, Ed."

It finally does. It finally sits right in her soul, to let her love for him and her cousin show itself. It's finally gotten to the point where she's moved past the hurt.

[ofthelions]

It's finally as it should be. It's finally sitting right in the entire universe the way it ought to.

"Then it's perfect, isn't it."

[thecutdiamond]

"It is," she says, squeezing his slightly.

Everything's finally moved into place.

[ofthelions]

His sigh is entirely contented as he gently smooths at her hair.

"What if it's a girl, then?"

Because it's lovely, resting in this moment. It's lovely holding onto this new knowledge that she's happy--seeing it with his own eyes.

[thecutdiamond]

"'m not sure," she says with an equally contented sigh, "I'm thinking Argine Elizabeth but-- I'll have to see what Elliot thinks."

She's not sure he'll be strongly moved one way or another. This is the first child he's had a chance to name, after all, but he also definitely didn't have the kind of relationship he did with Argine-- or his mother.

[ofthelions]

"I guess we'll see."

A tiny piece of him, of course, is hopeful they have a son. A tiny piece of him, after all, can't help but worry about his own daughter.

Who would, in his estimation, be getting a new sibling in this.

[thecutdiamond]

"We will."

And isn't it nice to say so firmly. Isn't it nice to believe he'll be there, at least in spirit if not in dreams, to see when their joy finally enters the world.

"And you'll come visit again."

When the baby's born, yes, but surely before and after that, as well.

[ofthelions]

There's the tiniest bit of a sigh for that. There's the lightest press of his lips to Rachel's forehead again.

"As often as I can, I promise."

But it's interesting to ponder, knowing she'll actually need him less.

[thecutdiamond]

Which she recognizes. Him being here like this, her feeling him near, is something that she hasn't needed as much now that she actually has someone who can be a physical someone to lean on.

But.

"It's just-- I still miss you."

It's never going to change, really, even if the press of his lips to her skin has her smiling now instead of tearing up.

"And I always thought you'd be-- part of this."

In a different way, when they were younger, yes. But the heart of the matter hadn't changed even as they'd aged.