ofthelions | [hoc canon] stars fading but I linger on, dear [for Rachel; Elliot]

It isn't that it hasn't been difficult. It has been.

It's been incredibly painful, much of the time. It's been entirely difficult to know that they're standing on the other side of a veil, that there will never be exactly the sort of warmth and comfort anymore that a living father or friend could have provided. It's been an ache to be so close and still watch so many people who deserved so much suffer.

Helping Argine pass had been some of the worst of it. The genuine toll it had taken on Eileen and Rachel--the deep heartbreak, no matter that it was the first in a long chain of deaths which they'd actually been able to see coming--had wrenched through Edgar with the same intensity as his own death.

It isn't that, somehow, the loss has been 'worth it.' It's just that, finally, things are starting to come back into a better sort of balance.

There's nothing in the world quite like knowing Andrew and Argine are together the way they ought to be. There's nothing in the world quite like watching the way Elisha keeps his arm around Eileen's shoulders or the painfully paternal wonder in the king's eyes when he watches the girl who is now officially his daughter. There's nothing in the world quite like hearing his little girl laugh again with genuine glee actually lighting up the sound.

There's nothing like seeing Elliot being a father to his children. There's nothing like seeing Rachel actually rest her head on someone else's shoulder again.

He knows he isn't allowed all that much time. He knows that he's giving up the chance to kiss Eileen's forehead on her birthday or murmur soft advice in Elisha's ear when she steps down from being Ace. But he knows, just as much, that it's important tonight to take what time he has to sit carefully down on the edge of this particular bed and smooth back the hair of this particular sleeper as he settles into the realm of dreams properly.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

ofthelions

"Trust me on this one, mm?"

It isn't the same as really holding her hand, but hopefully it's enough. His fingers curl around hers as tight as they can, clinging with genuine affection.

"This is it, Rach."

This is the happy ending. This is what they'd been dreaming of back before things had fallen apart.

Not quite the way they'd imagined it, no, but exactly what he'd wanted for her in terms of happiness.

From:

thecutdiamond

"I trust you, Ed."

And she trusts Elliot. And, slowly, she's learning to trust her own heart.

"And 'm-- not gonna give this up."

Not when she's finally this happy again.

From:

ofthelions

Trust takes time. He's had a good deal more of a lead on Elliot--and on Rachel's own heart.

He shifts slightly to press a firmer sort of kiss to her cheek. It's lovely to feel her smiling as well as see it.

"You're not. You're both in it for the long haul, mm?"

From:

thecutdiamond

"We are," she says softly, leaning into his touch contentedly.

"It's going to be wonderful."

From:

ofthelions

"You know it is."

And it really sounds like she does. It really feels like it's properly coursing through her now.

"If it's a boy, will you name him after Drew?"

From:

thecutdiamond

That startles an entirely happy laugh out of her, her grin bright and beaming as she looks up at him.

"Y'mean you don't know?"

Because how nice, to be able to surprise him even when he's gone.

From:

ofthelions

There's an amused chuckle for that. This is exactly the kind of visit he'd been hoping to have with Rachel for years now.

A properly happy one with properly happy laughter.

"What, are you and Drew keeping secrets from me, now?"

From:

thecutdiamond

She shakes her head just a little at him, smiling slightly as her hand lifts to take his again.

"If it's a boy--" And there's a brief moment of breathless laughter, eyes shining with joy as she looks at him, "If it's a boy, we're going to be calling him Edgar Andrew."

Because they'd both loved both men so much, it was only right.

From:

ofthelions

The surprise is obvious. The rush of joy is obvious as well.

"O-oh-- Oh, Rachel, that's..."

That's more than an honour. That's such a firm declaration of feeling at peace with so much that had been a genuine hurt for so long.

From:

thecutdiamond

"I thought you'd be happy," she says, smiling growing all the more bright for the clear surprise and joy in his expression.

"It-- only seemed right, really."

Neither she nor Elliot wanted to name a potential son after either of their fathers, and Edgar and Andrew had meant so much more to them.

From:

ofthelions

There's a low chuckle for that as he shakes his head against hers.

"As long as it makes you happy."

Because of course he himself is overwhelmed at the idea of an Edgar Andrew Reynolds in the world.

From:

thecutdiamond

"It does, Ed."

It finally does. It finally sits right in her soul, to let her love for him and her cousin show itself. It's finally gotten to the point where she's moved past the hurt.

Edited Date: 2014-09-26 08:15 pm (UTC)

From:

ofthelions

It's finally as it should be. It's finally sitting right in the entire universe the way it ought to.

"Then it's perfect, isn't it."

From:

thecutdiamond

"It is," she says, squeezing his slightly.

Everything's finally moved into place.

From:

ofthelions

His sigh is entirely contented as he gently smooths at her hair.

"What if it's a girl, then?"

Because it's lovely, resting in this moment. It's lovely holding onto this new knowledge that she's happy--seeing it with his own eyes.

From:

thecutdiamond

"'m not sure," she says with an equally contented sigh, "I'm thinking Argine Elizabeth but-- I'll have to see what Elliot thinks."

She's not sure he'll be strongly moved one way or another. This is the first child he's had a chance to name, after all, but he also definitely didn't have the kind of relationship he did with Argine-- or his mother.

From:

ofthelions

"I guess we'll see."

A tiny piece of him, of course, is hopeful they have a son. A tiny piece of him, after all, can't help but worry about his own daughter.

Who would, in his estimation, be getting a new sibling in this.

From:

thecutdiamond

"We will."

And isn't it nice to say so firmly. Isn't it nice to believe he'll be there, at least in spirit if not in dreams, to see when their joy finally enters the world.

"And you'll come visit again."

When the baby's born, yes, but surely before and after that, as well.

From:

ofthelions

There's the tiniest bit of a sigh for that. There's the lightest press of his lips to Rachel's forehead again.

"As often as I can, I promise."

But it's interesting to ponder, knowing she'll actually need him less.

From:

thecutdiamond

Which she recognizes. Him being here like this, her feeling him near, is something that she hasn't needed as much now that she actually has someone who can be a physical someone to lean on.

But.

"It's just-- I still miss you."

It's never going to change, really, even if the press of his lips to her skin has her smiling now instead of tearing up.

"And I always thought you'd be-- part of this."

In a different way, when they were younger, yes. But the heart of the matter hadn't changed even as they'd aged.

From:

ofthelions

The missing will never stop. He's absolutely certain of it. But he's also certain that the hurt had been beyond eased when Andrew had joined him. He's completely sure that the time Argine and Andrew now had would absolutely give them what they needed to be fully at peace.

He knows, someday, the missing between himself and Rachel will stop. He also knows with great certainty that it's still going to be a long time yet.

"I will be, Rach. You know that. And-- besides, yeah? Your little one's gonna have you and Elliot and Eileen t' tell 'm about us."

From:

thecutdiamond

"They are. And we will." she agrees, managing to smile a little more properly again, "'nd I know you will be."

He's always there, she knows. It's just always nicer, to have him be here like this.

From:

ofthelions

"I'll be with you every step of the way, Rach. You know that."

He'd been with her every step since the crash, completely in spite of not being on the same side of the Beyond. He'd been with her every step since the fight, completely in heart despite the rift between them.

Some thing simply don't ever change.

From:

thecutdiamond

"I know. You always have been."

From the moment she drew her first breath to beyond the time when she would draw her last. It's been in different ways, over time, but he's always been present somehow.