[hoc canon] stars fading but I linger on, dear [for Rachel; Elliot]

[ofthelions]

It isn't that it hasn't been difficult. It has been.

It's been incredibly painful, much of the time. It's been entirely difficult to know that they're standing on the other side of a veil, that there will never be exactly the sort of warmth and comfort anymore that a living father or friend could have provided. It's been an ache to be so close and still watch so many people who deserved so much suffer.

Helping Argine pass had been some of the worst of it. The genuine toll it had taken on Eileen and Rachel--the deep heartbreak, no matter that it was the first in a long chain of deaths which they'd actually been able to see coming--had wrenched through Edgar with the same intensity as his own death.

It isn't that, somehow, the loss has been 'worth it.' It's just that, finally, things are starting to come back into a better sort of balance.

There's nothing in the world quite like knowing Andrew and Argine are together the way they ought to be. There's nothing in the world quite like watching the way Elisha keeps his arm around Eileen's shoulders or the painfully paternal wonder in the king's eyes when he watches the girl who is now officially his daughter. There's nothing in the world quite like hearing his little girl laugh again with genuine glee actually lighting up the sound.

There's nothing like seeing Elliot being a father to his children. There's nothing like seeing Rachel actually rest her head on someone else's shoulder again.

He knows he isn't allowed all that much time. He knows that he's giving up the chance to kiss Eileen's forehead on her birthday or murmur soft advice in Elisha's ear when she steps down from being Ace. But he knows, just as much, that it's important tonight to take what time he has to sit carefully down on the edge of this particular bed and smooth back the hair of this particular sleeper as he settles into the realm of dreams properly.

Comments

[thecutdiamond]

She's so much happier now-- or, at least, she's starting to be. She's starting to be able to smile so much more naturally, to let herself laugh more. It's surely something wonderful to see, from beyond.

But she's also just pregnant enough, now, that strange dreams are starting to be par for course. They're not nightmares, at least, which is a relief.

Tonight, it doesn't seem like something special, at first. Tonight, she slips properly into dreaming and into a plane of existence that at first doesn't seem too interesting.

Except then she notices she's not alone-- and who it is she's not alone with.

No matter how many times they end up encountering in some way or another for the rest of her life, she suspects her voice will never lose the tremble it has now.

"--Edgar."

[ofthelions]

At least these days the tremble isn't one of infinite pain. At least these days she doesn't look at him like the sight of his ghost will absolutely kill her.

It's got his own quiet smile in place as he leans, carefully, to press a kiss against her forehead.

"Rach."

He knows he'll never sound anything but slightly far away, slightly distorted. He hopes, beyond belief, that she can hear the joy in his voice all the same.

"Congratulations."

[thecutdiamond]

She can hear it. And even if she couldn't she'd see it in the smile that touches his lips.

There's a smile of her own on her face as she replies.

"Thanks, Ed."

It's not at all how she thought it would be-- they both know that-- but it's absolutely something that's bringing her so much joy.

[ofthelions]

"Do--"

And he needs a moment. He needs to let out a soft laugh, to get the excited tremble out of his entire ethereal being.

"Do you know how-- wonderful this is?"

She must. She does, in her own way, he's certain. She's just always someone he's felt compelled to double check with about celebrating her own victories.

[thecutdiamond]

"I-- I do."

And there's the faintest bit of laugh that comes as an echo of his. She can't help it, when his obvious joy is so clear and her own happiness has her over the moon.

This is such a step for her-- for both of them, really. The fact that Elliot's staying is a step. The fact that she's keeping a child-- is working through the terror that the possibility of being a mother has always given her-- is a step.

The fact that they're both letting themselves live out this love is so, so crucial.

[ofthelions]

She's happy. She's happy in such a less complicated way than he's seen in years. It absolutely sets his heart to bursting.

"And d'you know what a-- wonderful mother you're going to be?" He ducks his head, briefly, to press his forehead lightly to hers. "And what a good father this one's going to have?"

[thecutdiamond]

"We're going to try our best," she answers, smile flickering into something incredibly bright to feel his forehead against hers. Reaching out for his hand is instinctive after all this time.

"'m hoping it'll be enough."

Hoping she'll be just as wonderful as he says. That Elliot will continue to be as good a father-- if not better-- as he's started to be.

[ofthelions]

"Trust me on this one, mm?"

It isn't the same as really holding her hand, but hopefully it's enough. His fingers curl around hers as tight as they can, clinging with genuine affection.

"This is it, Rach."

This is the happy ending. This is what they'd been dreaming of back before things had fallen apart.

Not quite the way they'd imagined it, no, but exactly what he'd wanted for her in terms of happiness.

[thecutdiamond]

"I trust you, Ed."

And she trusts Elliot. And, slowly, she's learning to trust her own heart.

"And 'm-- not gonna give this up."

Not when she's finally this happy again.

[ofthelions]

Trust takes time. He's had a good deal more of a lead on Elliot--and on Rachel's own heart.

He shifts slightly to press a firmer sort of kiss to her cheek. It's lovely to feel her smiling as well as see it.

"You're not. You're both in it for the long haul, mm?"

[thecutdiamond]

"We are," she says softly, leaning into his touch contentedly.

"It's going to be wonderful."

[ofthelions]

"You know it is."

And it really sounds like she does. It really feels like it's properly coursing through her now.

"If it's a boy, will you name him after Drew?"

[thecutdiamond]

That startles an entirely happy laugh out of her, her grin bright and beaming as she looks up at him.

"Y'mean you don't know?"

Because how nice, to be able to surprise him even when he's gone.

[fatherallthechange]

It doesn't happen for him as often as it does for Rachel or Eileen. He's hardly surprised. Much though they'd reached a certain level of friendship before Edgar had passed, he doubted that it was a level that warranted frequent otherworldly visits. Besides, being based at the Outposts had him farther away from the grave, which he was certain had some kind of impact.

No matter the reasoning, it seems that either the fact he was now spending a considerable amount of time in the Deck proper or the fact he spent so much time at the side of the woman sleeping next to him now meant that a more proper visit was due.

He'll hardly complain, when he shuts his eyes to sleep and open them to see his old friend standing nearby. He's gotten a lot better at smiling, since he more properly took on the role of father. It shows itself now, a little sharp and with the slightest hint of an ache to it.

"'m dreaming, aren't I?"

[ofthelions]

It had always been a lighter touch with Elliot. The other man didn't need to be held, didn't need to be murmured to; didn't need the press of a kiss to his cheek every now and then. There was just something to be said for resting, now and then, on solitary nights at the Outposts--little bits of moments shared across the distance to hopefully help his old friend feel a little less alone.

Tonight is different. Tonight he needs to be almost-real, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed with a crooked grin of his own.

"Just a little." Which, really, is the genuine truth of the matter, if also a comfortable way to crack gently at those last bits of tension. "You'd've heard me coming a mile away if you were awake, right?"

...definitely the wrong account

[fatherallthechange]

It's a good way to ease into things. It's the way they worked, after all, near the end of their time in the living world together.

"'Course I would've," he teases gently, "You never did subtle well."

so close and yet.

[ofthelions]

"Nah."

And that had been fine. That had been what was needed. That had made him a good king and a good friend--if not, years ago, the best at making decisions.

It didn't matter, now. What matters now is the unbridled joy that's filling the entire room knowing exactly where these two important people have gotten.

He had always been a touchy-feely person. Reaching out to brush his fingers against the other man's cheek is entirely fond.

"Tried t' get fireworks for tonight, but it didn't pan out. Have t' just go with 'congratulations,' I guess."

probably only ever in susan-is-ophelia!verse

[fatherallthechange]

"Disappointing," he says, but the word doesn't have as much truth behind when he can't help smiling like this. Being able to feel his old friend's fingers against his cheek is such a welcome experience, after all.

"Guess it's nice that you stopped by at all."

There's more truth to that. There's a look in his eyes that makes it clear he's grateful.

Because Edgar visiting means he still cares. Because Edgar visiting means he must be okay with what's come to pass.

It's incredibly important, that that's the case.

...I haven't cried about that 'verse in a while, thank you ; ;

[ofthelions]

It's that same happiness he'd seen in Rachel. There's more wonder in it, perhaps, and a hair more restraint, but it's there. It's in there somewhere deep and wonderful.

That's why it's important to be here. That's why it's important to take this time, to settle down as close as he can to the living, and to make sure no shadows that don't need to be in the way are lingering.

"Wouldn't miss the chance. Absolutely wouldn't miss the chance, Elliot."

It was one of those that you forget until a situation arises to remember it ;w;

[fatherallthechange]

"--It's all right, then?"

And for all it's a largely conscious conversation, he is still asleep. That fact and the fact that he has, with time, gotten better about asking things helps contribute to the way the question comes out.

"You don't... mind?"

Not that he truly could interfere if he did, but. Well.

It feels necessary to ask.

agreed. ... /sobs

[ofthelions]

His chuckle is soft, a low and entirely distant rumble as he leans to bump his forehead affectionately against Elliot's. The sensation is likely a little fuzzy, a little distant still; more like the brush of a mane than a proper press of skin.

"Have you seen how happy you make her?"

How could he object to Rachel smiling the way she has been? How could he object to two people so dear to his heart finding a shred of happiness together?

/petpetpet

[fatherallthechange]

It's an odd feeling. Still not something to pull away from.

How often would he get this chance, after all?

The reminder, at least, has him smiling.

"Yeah. An' it's-- real, isn't it?"

She's actually as happy as she makes him.

[ofthelions]

It's wonderful, seeing that smile. It's so completely affirming to see it settle in like it belongs.

"It is. It's absolutely real, Elliot."

And that's so important for both of them to know and believe.

"Don't forget that."

[fatherallthechange]

"I'm gonna do my best, Elliot murmurs, "Promise you."

He'll try to remember. He'll try to take care of the woman they both love-- and their child that's going to make their way into the world.

[ofthelions]

"Thank you."

The press of foreheads together is firmer this time, likely closer to what could be remembered from all those years ago.

"Promise her that too, mm? And-- promise the baby."